Do you want to learn more about Feng Shui and how to use it to shake $20 from people’s pockets? Well, I have the deal of a lifetime for you. Reading this blog post is going to unlock real wealth and happiness in your life. Not that fake knock of wealth and happiness. So let’s learn more about Feng Shui and how you can attain everything you’ve ever wanted.

This youtube commercial is going to change your life

I came across this life-changing commercial while trying to watch something else. I forget what it was, but it wasn’t going to change my life like this commercial did. The ad starts off with a man asking me if I’ve heard about Feng Shui and how it can affect my energy flow. I have, but the exhilarating background music makes me feel like I’m about to learn more than I could imagine. Noel here seems pretty confident he’s about to change my life. Let’s do this, Noel. Lay some Feng Shui game down on me.

Keep your eye on the bar

Thankfully this Feng Shui commercial included a flashing bar above narration text displayed on the screen. My eyes kept wandering, but the bar helped keep me focused on the explanatory captions. It also included helpful choices for words and phrases highlighted in yellow that really emphasized the positive aspects of Feng Shui. But don’t let it totally distract you from the beautiful, relevant b-rolls.

Free Feng Shui home office tips

The video, released Nov 3, 2019, lets us know that Feng Shui originated in China. Then two months later, the coronavirus, which also came from China, spread to the world. Having people trapped at home would make them more likely to see these Feng Shui adverts and be susceptible to messages of increasing wealth and prosperity. Am I saying this company deliberately spread coronavirus so people will care more about Feng Shui? Yes, it’s entirely possible given how 2020 has played out so far. It would be the least surprising thing at this point. But can you really be mad at them? They’re about to give away Feng Shui tips FOR FREE. We’re getting a great deal here, people. So here are your 5 free Feng Shui home office tips.

1. Always sit so there is a solid wall behind your back. This ensures that you have support in your life. Never sit with your back towards the window.

2. Always place fax machines, telephone, computers, and cash registers in the southeast wealth sector to attract more prospective businesses.

3. Arrange your desk so you always have a clear view of the door, preferably facing the door. If it is impossible to arrange, then hang a small mirror so you can clearly see the reflection of the door.

4. Never put a shelf over your desk. The shelf symbolizes the burdens of the world coming down upon you.

5. Try to keep sharp items such as paper cutters, scissors, or any sharp corners of a machine away from the desk. Make sure they are not pointing at the desk. Keep all the sharp objects hidden away from view in a drawer or closet. The sharp edges symbolize the cutting of a knife, which is a disapproving finger pointing at you.

AMAZING. Five free Feng Shui tips for your home office. You’re probably thinking all that sounds like a load of horse shit, but that’s exactly what someone with an empty southeast wealth sector would think. Loser. I even sawed off all the corners of my desk to be extra safe. But what can we do outside of our home office? I need to take this magical energy with me EVERYWHERE I go. Is it possible? Can it be? You’re damn right it’s possible, and the advertisement doesn’t waste time to jump right into the alternatives, like the Feng Shui Black Obsidian Bracelet.

Feng Shui Black Obsidian Bracelet

Holy shit, you can literally carry Feng Shui around on your wrist with the Feng Shui Black Obsidian Bracelet. The bracelet is made of two POWERFUL talismans. First, the Pixiu talisman, which is also known as Pi Yao. The other element is black Obsidian. Wait, that’s not two talismans. You just called it an element, where is the other talisman? WHO CARES let’s go over some benefits of Pixiu and black Obsidian.

Attract fortune and wealth with Pixiu talisman

The video tells us Pixiu is known to bring fortune and attract wealth. I mean those are kinda the same thing, right? I’m not sure why you said the same thing in two different ways, but I like the sound of both of them. This is a combo deal talisman. Incredible two for one talisman value. Then there’s the black Obsidian, which is known to give protection and shield against negativity. Which is so important in this day and age where haters are everywhere. Like haters in the video youtube comments who bought the bracelet and found it didn’t do anything at all.

Block out your haters

This negative energy needs to be blocked out, and thankfully the bracelet has that critical Obsidian element. The video also goes on to state that Black Obsidian is known to increase self-control and makes one embrace their true self. Which might be why those people bought this bracelet in the first place, they simply didn’t have the self-control they needed. And now, with this bracelet, they definitely won’t make any further impulsive decisions. Truly amazing.

But the most amazing part of all this is that Noel discovered the bracelet when he met Master Xi. See, Noel was a garbage collector before Master Xi put him onto the Feng Shui Black Obsidian bracelet. Noel found a wallet on the ground with more money than he could earn. Did that wallet have more money than he could make in a day? A week? A year? WE DON’T KNOW AND WHO CARES. Stop asking so many questions.

Master Xi is a really dope name, to be honest

What’s important here is that Noel was honest and gave the wallet back to the owner, who happened to be Master Xi. That’s when Master Xi rewarded Noel by giving him the Feng Shui Black Obsidian bracelet. Immediately from here on out, Noel’s life totally changed. And even many other people told Noel that the bracelet changed their life too. It also healed their illness. What illness? Again, WHO CARES, this thing is covered in gold and Obsidian. Keep your eye on the blinking bar and read the text. This isn’t a Q&A session. Noel is here to teach you how to cure whatever the fuck you got. It even provided more work opportunities for some and generally made people feel more confident.

I don’t know if you’ve realized yet, but this bracelet is fucking amazing.

Einstein would totally wear the Feng Shui bracelet

Still skeptical? Noel goes on to implore you to recognize the importance of the energy in and around us. He quotes Einstein’s famous equation E = mc² to remind us that matter is tightly related to energy. Energy shapes matter, so if we can shape our energy, we can begin to shape our future. That’s right, the bracelet is backed up by SCIENCE. Einstein said it himself. You gonna sit there with your broke ass calling Einstein stupid? Why shape your energy with a healthy diet and exercise when all you really need is to carry around some Feng Shui on your wrist?

Noel isn’t a lowly garbage collector anymore. Now he works closely with Master Xi to bring these bracelets to the world. Which may sound like he got roped into a multi-level marketing scheme if you’re the type of hater that keeps pointy things on their desk. Thankfully the Obsidian blocks out all that hater energy.

I feel richer simply by looking at the bracelet

At this point, we reach the end of the video, and all you have to do is click the link and wait for your Feng Shui black Obsidian bracelet. What a fantastic journey of transformation we were able to make in three minutes and thirty-eight seconds. For only $20 you, and everyone else, can have access to all the wealth, health, and prosperity you dreamed of.